I was today years old when I found out what the SP Cleanse and SP Metabolic Detox Program are. And honestly, I had something else to post today but SP was so great, I had to interrupt my post queue to bring you this.
I think it goes without saying that we should all understand that cleanses and detoxes are total BS. Your body cleanses itself, and any company or person that tries to tell you otherwise is trying to sell you something useless.
But I have to tell you…the SP Metabolic Detox Program and SP Cleanse go beyond the boundaries of basic garbage science. It’s like, a fucking sh*tstorm of misinformation and fear mongering. And people buy into this, which makes me sad. Very sad.
What is the SP Metabolic Detox Program?
The SP Metabolic Detox Program apparently clears your body of ‘toxins’ that you accrue from living your life. Sigh.
It starts with an 18-page ‘toxicity questionnaire’ to find out just how horrible my ‘toxin levels’ are.
Some of the indicators they ask about are:
Ringing and itchy ears
Mood swings
Anxiety and a sense of despair, depression*
Startled awake at night
Fatigue
Insomnia
Blurred or tunnel vision
Difficulty breathing
Stuttering
Confusion
Learning disabilities
Chest pain*
Skipped heartbeats*
Binge eating
How often do you consume non-organic foods?
I was actually appalled that the SP Metabolic Detox would consider legitimately dangerous symptoms – such as chest pain, arrhythmias, and depression, as being caused by ‘toxins.’
I tried to game the system by selecting the most dangerous symptoms (the ones that are starred above), and my toxin screen came back low. But still – if you have chest pain or depression, you need a DOCTOR…not a f*cking detox, people. Get it together.
The SP Metabolic Detox is based on the worst pseudoscientific f*ckery around.
Phase 1 ‘unlocks’ toxins in your body.
Phase 2 ‘neutralizes’ the toxins.
Phase 3 ‘eliminates’ them.
None of this makes sense, just so you know. Shakes, diets, and supplements do not ‘unlock’ and ‘neutralize’ some weird scary monster toxins that are supposedly hiding in your body.
As for elimination, your body does that all on its own. Isn’t nature wonderful?
The entire SP Metabolic Detox program – and supposed ‘detoxification’ which we all know is garbage – is SP Shakes plus a meal plan that doesn’t look all that bad (compared to the SP Cleanse, see below).
The program is very simple: It’s either 10 or 28 days of SP shakes in varying amounts – some days have 1 shake, others 3.
The diet is low-calorie and SP promotes the very debunked and ridiculous acid-alkaline theory.
And just as an FYI, the phrase ‘metabolic detox’ doesn’t even make sense.
What is the SP Cleanse?
The SP Cleanse is a 21-day ‘purification program’ – note the thinly veiled religious, morality-based undertones here, we must achieve ‘purity’ – that’s sold not by MLM, but by health professionals such as chiropractors and the odd charlatan doctor who only cares about making money. I say this because any actual physician should be able to easily see that this program is total chicanery.
SP Cleanse states in its ‘purification guide’ that: “This plan is not a fad diet. It’s a new way of life, a strategy that you and your health care professional can modify to fit your individual requirements. The plan is a journey of discovery as you try new foods and learn about eating for better health.*”
Excuse me?
Just like with the SP Metabolic Detox, the guide goes on to list all the environmental toxins that are most certainly floating around in your bloodstream *fearmongering alert* and that their cleanse can rid you of.
The supplement regimen is extensive *ka-ching*!!!
Days 1-7 of the Standard Process Purification Protocol are as follows:
SP Cleanse: 7 capsule 3x/day
SP shake: 2-4 tablespoons 2-3x/day
SP Gastro Fiber: 3 capsules 3x/day
That’s 30 capsules + shakes.
Days 8-21 of the Standard Process Purification Protocol are as follows:
SP Green Food: 5 capsules 2x/day
SP shake: 2-3 tablespoons 2-3x/day
Gastro Fiber: 3 capsules 3x/day
I’m not even going to go into what the SP Cleanse supplements have in them. If you’re curious, you can look the ingredients up one by one on Examine.com. All I can say is that they’re 20 botanical ingredients (see nutrition label below) that make you poo, pee, and otherwise do basically nothing. And once again, we see that they’re in a ‘proprietary blend,’ meaning we have no clue as to how much of each ingredient is in the preparation. Although at this point, who cares – they’re all pretty much useless.
The SP Cleanse diet
The SP Cleanse diet – or, as they call it, the ’21 Day Purification Pantry’ – is just as bad as the supplement regimen.
First, what you can’t eat:
Alcohol
Caffeine and other stimulants
Sugar
Dairy
Nuts
Eggs
Grains
Processed foods (except the SP Shake, of course, which is highly processed. That doesn’t count, right?)
“Any changes or alterations may decrease the detoxification and weight-management potential of the program .*” Oh, okay, thanks.
The foods that are allowed should, according to the SP Cleanse guide, be organic, and canned food is discouraged.
SP Cleanse was kind enough to include two meal plans in its SP Cleanse guide, which I’m copying for you here. Note that each day is maybe enough calories for a fucking ladybug, not a person.
Day 1-10:
Breakfast: 1 1/2 tablespoons pumpkin seeds and an apple
Snack: SP Complete Shake and 1.2 cup baby carrots
Lunch: Arugula salad with choice of vegetables and avocado dressing
Snack: Kale chips
Dinner: Lentil soup
Snack: Pumpkin pie shake (which sounds more appetizing than it probably is)
Day 11-21:
Breakfast: 1/2 cup baby carrots and zucchini hummus
Snack: SP Complete Shake
Lunch: Spinach salad with 3oz roasted chicken breast, choice of vegetables, and apple cider vinaigrette
Snack: Asparagus fries
Dinner: Chipotle salmon with a side of roasted sweet potatoes
Snack: Apple cinnamon surprise shake (sounds exciting!!)
As you can see, this is three weeks of a starvation diet that’s low in calories, carbs, and likely low in protein as well – especially in the first 10 days.
OF COURSE you’re going to feel like shit. That’s not ‘toxins leaving your body,’ it’s STARVATION. And of course you’re going to lose weight.
That’s what happens when you starve yourself.
SP Cleanse Research
I was surprised to see a 2013 research study done on the SP Cleanse…until one second later, when I noticed that it was published in the Journal of Chiropractic Medicine. The study didn’t find any meaningful effects on its 7 participants, besides short-term weight loss (no kidding).
In other words, garbage. But to the layperson, any research looks legit, and also: WEIGHT LOSS. Two words you can use to sell pretty much anything in today’s diet culture.
Any weight lost during this 21 day cleanse program is water, maybe a bit of fat, and muscle. It will not be a long-term loss, and it’s certainly not a healthy way to lose weight.
After you complete the SP Cleanse, you’re supposed to add in the foods you eliminated, like bread, for example. But the diet they encourage after the cleanse is still very low-calorie (they say it’s around 1600 calories, but that’s questionable.)
You’re also encouraged to take SP Cleanse supplements – they have a variety. Because hey! Just because you’re done the Cleanse itself doesn’t mean that the company is done making money off of you!
In short:
SP Cleanse and SP Metabolic Detox Program follow the exact same script:
1. Convince you that there’s something scary going on with your body, and that their program can fix it.
2. Sell you a bunch of supplements and a program that has a regimented schedule to make it seem legit. Throw in a bunch of scientific-sounding words and a few references to the EPA or EWG to boost the supposed legitimacy of what they’re selling.
3. Tell you that the symptoms you’re experiencing from their cleanse – brain fog, fatigue, diarrhea, etc – are the ‘toxins leaving your body.’ This is total fuckery. These symptoms are the direct result of starvation and the herbs you’re taking. When toxins leave your body, you don’t have symptoms. That doesn’t even make sense. Aren’t the toxins supposed to be CAUSING those symptoms when they’re IN YOUR BODY? Why would you feel like crap when they’re leaving?
Because they aren’t. It’s a total lie.
4. Tell you that you’re ‘cured’ or otherwise ‘detoxified’ after their program, although there is absolutely NO WAY to prove this. This is important – if you could prove above anecdotes that your body has toxins in it, and that this cleanse actually decreases these toxins, then we’d see that programs like the SP Cleanse are complete nonsense.
Companies like this rely entirely on peoples’ gullibility.
They also rely on and foster peoples’ distrust and naivety of their bodies, mainstream medicine, and physiology. And in doing that, destroy their relationship with food and their bodies.
HARD PASS ON BOTH, and stay away from any ‘professional’ who sells them.