Guys, I was on the Struggle Bus today. Really.
This morning, a friend of mine sent me the Instagram feed of another dietitian. This dietitian advocates for really low calorie diets, counting everything you eat on one app or another, and is basically the antithesis me and of what I believe.
But scrolling through her feed, and yes – I know I shouldn’t have – was so much more triggering for me than I thought it would be! Especially because right now, my body is going through some major changes.
So anyhow, looking at this person’s feed made me lose my focus on loving my body and eating ‘normally.’ She actually made me think that going back to some of my less-than-happy days of calorie tracking and weighing myself all the time, would maybe be a good idea.
SNAP OUT OF IT, ABBY! AHHHHHH!!!!!
There was a time in the distant past that I tracked everything and was laser-focused on my weight. I ended up being completely miserable and although I lost weight, I couldn’t sustain that way of eating. As soon as the dam broke and I started to eat more, I regained it all. And that’s just what it was like: a dam breaking.
I was a normal weight to begin with, but I just wanted to be thinner. Looks like my body had other ideas, and for years after, I couldn’t even look at MyFitnessPal or a scale. Only then did I truly start to understand the meaning of ‘normal’ eating.
Normal eating is:
TRUSTING YOURSELF to accommodate the changing caloric and nutritional needs of your body.
One day you might walk a bit more, another day you might sit all day. Your caloric needs will be different between those two times, and that’s fine and normal. What happens when you follow prescriptive calorie recommendations is that you don’t accommodate the changing needs of your body.
Maybe even more importantly, you lose the inherent internal hunger and fullness cues we all have, and place your trust in a pretty random number that someone gives to you.
Over time, this essentially erodes the trust you have in your body to tell you what it needs. You end up seeing only that 1600, 1400, 1200, calorie a day level and pushing everything your body tries to tell you, to the garbage.
Not okay.
Eating without guilt or shame.
Guilt and shame are two different things, although they both pop up a lot, sometimes together, when someone hasn’t made friends with normal eating. Even when you have, they may still try to make an appearance, but you’ll be ready to tell them to get lost!
Here’s an example of guilt: ‘I feel terrible for eating that piece of cake.’
Here’s an example of shame: ‘I’m a terrible person for eating that piece of cake.’
See the difference?
Both totally suck the life and happiness out of eating, and are not a part of normal eating. Releasing that guilt and that shame by figuring out where they came from (I teach you how to do this in my book and my Eating After 40 course), and kicking them to the curb, will set you on a fresh path that’s essential for feeling good about not only food, but yourself, too.
Feeling good about nourishing your body, so it can do all the things for you.
My body is a temple. It’s strong and beautiful. My thighs are thick and muscled, my belly has birthed two babies, my arms have hugged, and cooked, and lifted.
My butt has moved me through miles of running and biking, and is the support for all the things I do every day. How in the world could I even think of not giving my body what it wants and needs?
Normal eating is nourishing your body with a ton of whole foods, and also some Oreos along the way. It’s feeling good about giving your body nutrients, not starving your body to look like some person who you’re not. Normal eating is celebrating, not denigrating, your body for what it does for you every. single. day. of. your. life.
Normal eating is NOT:
Feeling like you’re a slave to a calorie counter/macros/carb grams.
Want to count calories or numbers just to get an idea of what you’re eating? We’re all different, and if that what works for you, go ahead. Some people like to count things, and I’m not going to tell you not to. I’m just going to say that a lot of us don’t need or want to do it.
And letting those figures hang like a weight around your neck? Nope. Not normal. If counting things is not allowing you to live your best life, then that’s a problem. If you’re letting all of the numbers interfere with your happiness, with your perception of yourself and your eating, and if you’re going beyond using that stuff as informational and moving into being restrictive and punitive, give your head a shake.
If you’re using those numbers to guide you, instead of letting your hunger and fullness guide you, then think about what you’re doing.
Do you want to live your life counting numbers and portions and turning a deaf ear on what your body – which knows better than you or some app, FYI – is trying to tell you?
Please don’t.
Eating in a way that you’ll never be able to sustain for the long-term.
But Abby, you ask, can’t a diet be ‘normal’ for me at one point, and not another?
That’s not the way it works.
People on social media are out there doling out 1200 calorie diets like they’re handing out ice cream cones, but how many people are going to be able to follow a 1200 calorie diet for more than a few months? And sure, everyone is losing weight on these plans, but then what?
However you choose to eat, 1. make it nourishing to body and soul 2. make it consistent and doable for the long-term.
Eating to contort your body into a place where it’s not supposed to fit.
Like, into a 25 year old’s body when you’re over 40. *raises hand*
You’ll be chasing that dream until your dying breath, and you’ll be upset about it every single day. I’m not saying that weight loss isn’t possible, I’m saying that if you have completely unrealistic expectations or desires based on a person’s social feeds, the media, your friends’ bodies, or whatever, STOP! TURN AROUND AND DON’T GO THERE.
Normal eating accommodates your changing body and doesn’t try to squeeze it into those jeans you wore in university. Hey. Aging is a normal process, and a privilege. A bit of weight gain/skin sagging as we age is also normal. Relax into it and remember that some people we know never made it to this age, so we’re lucky to be here.
Oh, and one more thing: mute or unfollow the people on your social feeds who make you feel like garbage and who stand in the way of your normal eating.
Abby XOXO
Is our food less nutritious than it used to be? I debunk this myth here.