Slimroast Optimum Review: Same Old Cup of Coffee..With A Kick

I’ve already reviewed the Slimroast ‘weight loss coffee’, much to the irritation of the Slimroast company and salespeople, who have sent me many thinly-veiled (and outright obvious, and many times hilarious) threats since I published that review (read it here). They’ve tried to accuse me of libel and professional misconduct, which is nuts. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my rockstar lawyer who reviews all my posts. This Slimroast Optimum review has been checked and re-checked by him.

The truth is that blog posts are not scientific papers, they’re opinion pieces. 

So even though some of you might be aggravated about me telling you that the supplement you’re selling and/or taking is not legit, it’s my professional opinion. I also see it as my job to let the public know when they’re being sold a nutrition product whose claims aren’t consistent with science. If you don’t like my posts, that’s okay. Just move right along, then. 

For those of you who spit at me that I don’t try anything I review so how do I know it works, I say: I don’t have to try anything I review, because 1. If I’m going to put crap into my body, it’s going to be cake and Doritos, not some random supplement and 2. I’m assessing the claims that are made about the supplement/diet against the most recent science. I’m looking at the ingredients in the supplement and seeing if they’re efficacious (I know, big word, but stay with me here) and safe for you. You’re welcome. Just doing my job, people. 

So, even though I’m anticipating the same amount of vitriolic hate mail for doing this, I’m all ready to do my Slimroast Optimum review. Slimroast Optimum is Slimroast’s latest offering. I guess when the original Slimroast doesn’t work, you can always upgrade, right? As Slimroast says, ‘Slimroast Optimum is designed to take your weight management to the next level!’ 

Wow, exciting! Let’s do this!

What does Slimroast Optimum Claim?

Slimroast Optimum claims that it’s an ‘exclusive functional coffee’ formulated to:

• Crush Cravings

• Increase Energy

• Metabolize fat to Energy

• Help Regulate Blood Sugar

• Improve Mood & Focus

• Boosts Circulation and Oxygen delivery

We will see, Slimroast. We will see.

The company describes Optimum like this:

SlimROAST Optimum Neurologic system for Optimum Performance cannot be accomplished with a single nutrient, it requires a “stack” (or group) of several independently performing nutrients working together. To deliver this stack to the right places in the brain, circulatory support nutrients that promote nitric oxide production and circulation (via vasodilation) is essential to optimize nutrient potential.

Formulated with natural appetite suppressants, feel good ingredients and detox components and powered by VASO6™ a Nitric Oxide, Antioxidant Booster for Optimum Circulation & Oxygen delivery. SlimROAST Optimum is the perfect addition to your weight loss management program!

While supplement/nutrient ‘stacks’ are a thing generally utilized by weightlifters, they lost me at the word ‘detox’. That’s a huge red flag for me, and it should be for you, too: By now, you should know that detoxing is a scam.  When a company sees no problem with promoting ‘detox’ products, I immediately know that their moral compass is off.

The ‘stack’ being ‘delivered to the right places in the brain’ is also a absurd concept, because that’s what your vascular system does all on its own. Nitric oxide is a vasodilator, and so is caffeine, but saying that these ingredients deliver Optimum’s nutrients as though they’re the UPS man delivering a package to the right address is an extreme simplification of basic physiology. Essentially, they’re claiming that their supplement is doing things that your body does anyhow. You probably don’t have a neurological issue that’s preventing you from getting the nutrients you need in your brain, just in case you were wondering. ‘Neurologic system’, pfffft. Come on.

What is Slimroast Optimum?

Slimroast Optimum appears to be the same coffee-like drink as its predecessor, plain old Slimroast. 

The difference is that Optimum has extra ingredients, the most important ones to note being 2-amino-5-methylheptane and beta-phenylethylamine. The usual suspects are in there too, like caffeine and some amino acids such as carnitine (maybe for its minor effects on blood glucose) and L-Theanine (which has been known to ‘take the edge off’ stimulant jitters…good thing, you’re going to need it). 

The dose for Slimroast Optimum is 1-2 scoops a day, and I suppose how much you consume all depends on your tolerance for stimulants. 

There are a few troubling things about this product, the first being that there’s no disclosure about how much of each ingredient the product contains. Does it contain 127mg of caffeine just like the regular Slimroast product? Or, does it contain five times that? It’s a mystery, shrouded in the typical ‘proprietary recipe’ claim. 

The ingredient 2-amino-5-methylheptane, otherwise known as English walnut, is a natural compound that’s identical (or as Slimroast puts it, ‘nature identical synthesis) to octodrine. Octodrine, otherwise known as DMHA, is a stimulant that has been determined to be potentially unsafe. The fact that Slimroast Optimum uses a ‘natural’ form of it but then specifies that it’s ‘identical’ to the synthetic type further indicates to me that natural or not, this ingredient probably shouldn’t be consumed blindly and/or with other stimulants. On top of that, nobody knows how much 2-amino-5-methylheptane is even in the product, so it’s a wild card. Ready to take that gamble? I sure as hell wouldn’t be.

The other ingredient in Slimroast Optimum that I want to discuss is beta-phenylethylamine. Although long-used as a stimulant in weight weight loss drugs and also known as PEA, there is no human research proving that it promotes weight loss. It has been known to decrease appetite, but it’s unclear how much and for how long. Let’s also remember that thanks to secretive proprietary mixtures, we have zero clues as to how much beta-phenylethylamine is actually in Slimroast Optimum. One thing that we do know about beta-phenylethylamine is that it’s metabolized very rapidly by the body, which is not what you want in a weight loss drug. Fast metabolism means it’s out of your system in a matter of minutes, which means that its effectiveness for weight loss is questionable. And while PEA is a neurotransmitter that’s found in the human body under normal circumstances, this doesn’t mean that it’s effective to take more of it, just so you can lose weight. 

Natural doesn’t always mean safe, and more isn’t always better. Repeat that again and again so you never forget it!

So at this point, we have an ingredient that’s potentially harmful and a stimulant, caffeine, which is also a stimulant, and another ingredient, also a stimulant, whose effectiveness is questionable. We don’t have any verifiable information about the actual amounts or effectiveness of these ingredients together (or, about the product itself, by the way). 

The other ingredients, Alpha glycerylphosphorylcholine, green tea catechins, and chromium, have limited to no evidence for weight loss. Alpha glycerylphosphorylcholine is mostly used as a cognitive supplement, but in large doses (again, we have no idea how much is in Optimum); green tea catechins have been known to increase fat burning, but very minimally, and only in very high doses. Optimum uses green tea catechins as its ‘VASO6tm Nitric Oxide, Antioxidant Booster’. Since catechins are only known to increase blood flow in a minor fashion, I’m not sure what they’re getting at here. Chromium is in pretty much every weight loss supplement, and while it can regulate insulin levels, this only occurs in people who have a chromium deficiency. Chromium has been implicated in studies (and here) (and here) for reducing cravings and appetite, but most of these were inconclusive or poorly done. 

Let’s Put it Together

As far as Slimroast Optimum’s claims, let’s address them with what we now know:

• Crush Cravings: Caffeine is known to decrease appetite, and perhaps the chromium will have some effect. Probably not though. 

• Increase Energy: Most definitely, if you’re ramming this many stimulants into your body, most people will be amped.

• Metabolize fat to energy: Not a single bit of evidence that this will occur. None of the ingredients in Slimroast Optimum has been proven to affect which macronutrient your body uses for energy. The ketogenic diet is the only way to ensure that fat is used as your primary source of energy. 

• Help Regulate Blood Sugar: I’m not sure how this would happen unless you’re chromium deficient, which isn’t common.

• Improve Mood & Focus: One of the hypothetical effects of beta-phenylethylamine is improved mood, but remember that this ingredient is metabolized so quickly, it’s likely any of its perceived effects will occur with Slimroast Optimum. Caffeine, on the other hand, can improve focus. 

• Boosts Circulation and Oxygen delivery: Coffee improves blood flow significantly, so this is correct. How it affects your actual weight loss, though, is unknown.

Testimonials and Marketing

Remember that Slimroast products are sold by MLM, which means that any ‘testimonials’ you read on Facebook (yes, for this Slimroast Optimum reivew, I creeped on the Optimum page for as long as I could possibly stand it, which was not very long) may be biased. Some are probably legit, but honestly, a lot of them read like they were written by salespeople trying to convince potential buyers of how magical this product is. 

As a reader said to me: “The whole thing reeks of your 15 extra lbs are the result of a neurological disorder that we can treat with our product.”

I have to agree with her. 

Slimroast states that Optimum is ‘your logical solution to weight management’. I’ll have to disagree, because…wait for it….IF IT WORKED, NO ONE WOULD BE OVERWEIGHT EVER AGAIN!! So logic has nothing to do with it. 

Logically, Valentus would have done some research on its products to prove that their ingredients synergistically promote weight loss, since that’s what they’re claiming. But nope.

Weight management is far more complex than drinking a cup of weight loss coffee and watching the pounds just melt right off. The Slimroast website states:

Let’s keep this simple. Your weight management is effected (their typo, not mine) by three things:

What you put into our body

How active you are

Do you have willpower to say no. 

If weight loss was this simple, no one would need Slimroast! The truth is that willpower is bullshit and in most cases, weight management is not just about ‘eat less and exercise more’. It’s so disengenuous that on one page of their site, they appear to be commiserating about how tough it is to lose weight, but then they turn around and talk about how you have no willpower. Way to blame people for their weight issues, Slimroast, but I guess that’s how to guilt people in to buying your product. 

If you’re a chronic dieter reading this right now, understand that I’m actually on your side. I’m not shitting on Slimroast because I think it’s funny, or because I want you to be upset; I’m doing it because I find their tactics objectionable, and I wish that you and the rest of the world didn’t have to be subjected to it from them, or from anyone else.

Many times, an individual taking these sorts of products also changes their eating and exercise habits, but attributes weight loss to the supplement. We don’t know if this product works, and I definitely don’t recommend believing testimonials that may be biased (as all testimonials may be). Too bad Valentus doesn’t research the efficacy of its own products, but maybe that’s for good reason, if you know what I mean. 

Stimulants are historically a bad way to lose weight, mostly because the body tends to adapt to them and, once you stop using them the weight returns quickly. Are you ready to take Slimroast for the rest of your life?

From a marketing perspective, Slimroast Optimum seems to play on peoples’ desperation. The website is riddled with grammatical errors, which is another red flag. The seemingly chronic oversimplification of weight loss and gain is eye-watering, and they appear to continue to sell unproven products that they don’t bother to do research on. I mean, this company also sells PrevailMaX, a completely idiotic spray of ‘molecularly charged’ micronutrients that you get in your diet anyhow, and uses the completely and thoroughly debunked and invalid practice of blood microscopy to ‘back up’ its claims for the product. Your blood cells don’t need special ‘molecularly charged’ micronutrients, whose amounts in PrevailMAX are so tiny, they won’t even register on the nutrient label. I literally can not believe that Valentus is allowed to sell this product. 

The Verdict on Slimroast Optimum?

Hard pass. Don’t buy products from a company that tells you that weight loss is hard, but then turns around and says you have no willpower and that’s why you’re overweight. That’s untrue and shitty. If you want to read something about how willpower has nothing to do with weight loss, here’s a piece I wrote on it. 

Don’t fall for Slimroast’s marketing. This is just another unproven weight loss product. Remember: if it worked, the weight loss industry would cease to exist.